I’m at my rich comedian friend’s house. He’s out of town, a few days in Amsterdam after a month in South Africa for the World Cup. The dogs are here at the house and I am their bitch. It's not so bad. It’s a nice house with free soft drinks and I like being alone, even though I’m not much alone most of the time, at least not as much as I’d like.
There are 4 dogs now. There used to be two. Dave is the geezer- a 12 year old black lab with some gray hair in his muzzle, walks with a limp and is possibly the dumbest dog in the history of dogs, even before senility. Dave is a total sweetie except when he gets confused and bites a contractor. Gretchen has been here about 2 and a half years. Bought from a pet store as a gift from Mr. Comedy's fiancee, she’s a young energetic Belgian Shepherd, and our relationship is, She Bites Me- mostly with love. Gretchen and I disagree as to which of us is actually Alpha dog. The 2 newcomers are Bella and Tyson. I think they are some kind of boxer/pit bull mix. Very nice fun smart dogs. And ripped! Like they lift the heavy weights at the dog park. They moved in about 2 months ago and seem right at home with Dave and Evil Gretchen.
They have been a good influence on Gretchen. They don’t bark at every bird and squirrel that enters the yard and she sees that she doesn’t have to either.
However she has demonstrated to them that it’s okay to bite me. With Gretchen as ringleader, there are times when I am being chewed by all three of the youngsters at once. As I wrestle the 3 beast trying to reestablish my role as Alpha, there comes the realization that they are trying to figure out exactly how to take me down, and eventually eat me. Clearly, they don't believe I’m feeding them enough.
They test joints and grips and pressure points. They rehearse ways to lure me into different rooms of the house. And they wait for the proper time. Maybe when their bowls are full and the treats are within reach on the counter. Maybe right before the dog walker takes them to the groomer to wash away the evidence of a massacre. They are always keeping an eye on me and whispering to each other.
For now they are content with dry dog food. But for how long?
I can clearly picture all of this happening to you. I think you should skip calling the dog whisperer and go straight to the dog screamer. :) Let me know if you want the method I used to train my AmStaff not to bite when she was a puppy.
ReplyDeleteKaren