Doug called last night cuz really there's little limit to how far I'll drive for a drunk audience, a burger and gas money. Now I I can only remember enough of my act. To keep them amused for 20 minutes. I plan to do plenty of virgin material. People love that!
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
What's left for me?
I like sitting. It's all I do. I'm crafting my life so I can someday be a "sit-down comedian." I wish I were better at it. No matter what I'm doing I'm looking for a place to sit- even when I'm sitting. There's got to be a better place to sit. Is it worth getting out of my seat to go sit somewhere else? You have to weigh the benefits. Regardless you should alway know your options. Every day is about sitting at point A, to sitting at point B. I'm always on the lookout for the perfect chair. So this next bit of health art propaganda makes me sad.
This piece comes from the good people at medicalbillingandcoding.org (as sexy as it sounds) They care.
I'm sitting now but, I'll get up tomorrow and I'll ride my bike. And then I'll lie down. That's still safe, right?
This piece comes from the good people at medicalbillingandcoding.org (as sexy as it sounds) They care.
I'm sitting now but, I'll get up tomorrow and I'll ride my bike. And then I'll lie down. That's still safe, right?
Sunday, May 22, 2011
One Man All Night Comedy Show
I got an invite form a comedian, Stevie Mack, about his one man show, Diary of a Crackhead. Back in the day being up all night was my way of life, About 12 years ago, to be more precise. The difference, is that back in the day, I was up all night smoking crack and drinking tequila. Made sense back then. I had an air of desperation that make people naturally avoid me.If I spoke to you at all it was because I wanted something. Comedy was just a cover for my late night sneaking around. If you spotted me out on hollywood boulevard at 3 in the morning, I had just gotten home from a gig and went up the street to pick up something to eat. It didn't mate if you just saw me sitting at a bus stop buying rocks from whoever was at the corner. I'm happy to find the funny now.
A one man show was once on my radar, I suppose it still is. For a couple of years I worked on "The Big C: From Cancer to Crack" I wonder what became of that. Just got too hard I suppose. Drew Carey and I used to joke about "Crack- The Musical" back when I worked on his show. Whatever happened to...
Right now My only excuse for being up so late is poor time management. A side effect of Attention Deficit Disorder. If I could focus on one thing long enough to finish it, I would own each and every one of you. instead I'm doing this, until I notice that. Maybe I'll post a picture of this room. Clear evidence of mental illness. I have started a million brilliant projects and finished 6. No matter how clear the need to complete something, I can always find a detour. I wonder sometimes if didn't do quite a bit of damage to my brain smoking so many rocks of cocain. I don't think I was this scattered before. A few dozen tiny strokes might have that effect. I'll take a pic and wait for your diagnosis.
Stevie’s show is at the Improv Labs in Hollywood. I'll be 48 the next day. I have many mixed feeling about it. It’s at my favorite comedy club and about a subject dear to my heart that I once tried to tackle. Mostly I expect to laugh. Stevie is a funny guy and, I’m thinking about inviting my recovering crackhead friend. The show is on her 49th birthday. Happy Birthday to us!
I have tons of homework to do. I'm weeks late in 3 out of four classes. I suppose being on schedule for one is cause for celebration... This post is pretty lame, kind of a downer, and yet I bet you can't tell how happy I am to see it on my screen. It's been three months since my last post so this ain't so bad. More to come. Look for the new site as well. I've wasted enough of your time with this little exercise in inertia. Thanks for being you.
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
Midwest Teen Sex Show: Am I Masturbating Right?
Video Rating: five / five masturbating moms by masturbatingmoms.information
I love the Midwest Teen Sex Show. I would want Nikol to teach my kids- Which is why I don't want kids.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Valentine's Day: We're all just pimps, chimps and hos...
My bud, Natalia Reagan has produced this piece of educational comedy, because she sensed that you need help with this very sensitive holiday.
Sunday, February 06, 2011
SuperBowl Sunday is a special time for me. I get to count the commercials that I auditioned for and didn't book.
the Cleveland Cavaliers just tied the record for consecutive losses . I haven't booked an audition since a short film in May of 2009. I imagine about 100 auditions. (Pure guess.) I doubt I have anywhere near the record some other actors have for futility, but its hard to tell. There are bad actors out there. There are actors who audition more. Then again not everybody sticks around as long as I do with my level of successThere are plenty of actors who will never stop despite the rejection- for decades. And I do book things now and then. Commercial Audition Losing streak? I probably don't have that record either. I'm probably doing better than most. Granted, most actors are doing very very very badly. I'm having a little more fun than I was a year ago.
The Over/Under on commercials I've auditioned appearing during the bowl is 2.
the Cleveland Cavaliers just tied the record for consecutive losses . I haven't booked an audition since a short film in May of 2009. I imagine about 100 auditions. (Pure guess.) I doubt I have anywhere near the record some other actors have for futility, but its hard to tell. There are bad actors out there. There are actors who audition more. Then again not everybody sticks around as long as I do with my level of successThere are plenty of actors who will never stop despite the rejection- for decades. And I do book things now and then. Commercial Audition Losing streak? I probably don't have that record either. I'm probably doing better than most. Granted, most actors are doing very very very badly. I'm having a little more fun than I was a year ago.
The Over/Under on commercials I've auditioned appearing during the bowl is 2.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Back on the Bike!
After the Gulf Oil Spill, I had a hard time finding the funny. Where was the comedy of devastating environmental and economic damage? I had to stop and consider my part in the catastrophe. Is there any way that I can make the spill about me? Could the problem be my need for gas in my hybrid SUV? I posted my disgust with myself, and you, last year. (I've made it about you too, now. You're welcome.) Perhaps things like that would be less likely if we didn't use so much oil. Maybe if I rode my bike that's been gathering dust in my living room for 5 years. I fixed the inner tubes last week. Dug up the bike clothes this week. Tightened up the reflectors and mirrors and, inspected all of my gear.
Today I went for a ride. The plan was, and still is to ride my bike to school at least once a week. It’s only about 4 miles. I had intended to ride to school today for a math lab with Roger at noon. (Algebra is still a little fuzzy.) Alas, I was still in bed at 11:30 so I didn’t get out of the apartment until 2:30- only an hour and a half after the lab was over.
Regardless I took the bike to the Post Office, a couple of blocks from school, where I have moved my P.O. box. Not too difficult at first, still I had to think a lot from the start. I think riding a bike requires a lot more thought than any motorized transportation. You have to watch cracks, holes, glass and of course the cars. They tend to stalk you just a little. I don’t have my speed yet and my knees hurt when I’m not careful. However, the area is pretty flat on the whole, especially when you’re traveling east-west. I had been on the road less than a minute when I heard a tiny clank and looked down to see something bouncing on the ground. I turned around to see if a part had fallen of the bike. It turned out to be the key to my Kryptonite lock. I had put the key in the lock about a year ago so that I could find it when I decided to ride again. What a pain that would have been if I hadn’t gone back to check that out. The ride was mostly uneventful until the end. Except for being crowded a couple of times by cars. I’m fairly sure that if I’m killed on a ride it will be by someone trying to send a text.
I remembered a lot. Asserted my position. I rode predictably. Had to take a detour or two when I was out of position to make a left turn and lacking the burst of speed to compensate.
Went from the Post office to the Bank at Ventura and Laurel Canyon. From there, I headed home. Ventura was jammed on the way home so I had no real trouble keeping pace with cars. I went down Whitsett to get away from all the traffic. As I worked my way left behind a car to make a left turn onto Woodbridge, things got hairy. A van was stopped ahead in the left opposing lane waiting to make a left in at the intersection in front of us. Unknown to the driver I was following in the Accord, there was a car behind the Van in the right lane traveling on its merry way. I could see it because I had moved to the left later in the sequence of events. I also had a height advantage from being on a bike. I had prior knowledge that probably no one else had. Regardless, the driver of the Accord, without being able to see into that lane decided to just go for it, starting her left turn from a looooong way back, which is probably what saved her. The big old Lincoln, maybe a Mark VI of my mother’s era, slammed on the breaks locking up the front wheels and skidding a couple of feet to the left, and the Accord gunned it to get through without a collision. You could hear parts of the old Lincoln clanking and straining from the sudden exertion. They probably came within a foot of each other. I’d bet there was some damage to their suspension. The two geezers seem pretty stunned but, straightened out and I guess went on their way. I, still with my better visibility, looked past the van to be sure the coast was clear, made my left through the stinky cloud of tire smoke and rode home. The Accord turned up the nearest alley. I don’t know if it was to hide or that was the destination. I would certainly want to hide if I was she. I’m pretty sure she was talking on her phone as I passed. Hmmm…
There’s a lot that can go wrong on a bike and still I love it. The effort and danger, speed and exposure. I’ll have to stay on the smaller streets in hopes of not dying so soon. And smaller streets will make it easier to text while I ride. Still not sure if I’ve found the comedy.
Today I went for a ride. The plan was, and still is to ride my bike to school at least once a week. It’s only about 4 miles. I had intended to ride to school today for a math lab with Roger at noon. (Algebra is still a little fuzzy.) Alas, I was still in bed at 11:30 so I didn’t get out of the apartment until 2:30- only an hour and a half after the lab was over.
Regardless I took the bike to the Post Office, a couple of blocks from school, where I have moved my P.O. box. Not too difficult at first, still I had to think a lot from the start. I think riding a bike requires a lot more thought than any motorized transportation. You have to watch cracks, holes, glass and of course the cars. They tend to stalk you just a little. I don’t have my speed yet and my knees hurt when I’m not careful. However, the area is pretty flat on the whole, especially when you’re traveling east-west. I had been on the road less than a minute when I heard a tiny clank and looked down to see something bouncing on the ground. I turned around to see if a part had fallen of the bike. It turned out to be the key to my Kryptonite lock. I had put the key in the lock about a year ago so that I could find it when I decided to ride again. What a pain that would have been if I hadn’t gone back to check that out. The ride was mostly uneventful until the end. Except for being crowded a couple of times by cars. I’m fairly sure that if I’m killed on a ride it will be by someone trying to send a text.
I remembered a lot. Asserted my position. I rode predictably. Had to take a detour or two when I was out of position to make a left turn and lacking the burst of speed to compensate.
Went from the Post office to the Bank at Ventura and Laurel Canyon. From there, I headed home. Ventura was jammed on the way home so I had no real trouble keeping pace with cars. I went down Whitsett to get away from all the traffic. As I worked my way left behind a car to make a left turn onto Woodbridge, things got hairy. A van was stopped ahead in the left opposing lane waiting to make a left in at the intersection in front of us. Unknown to the driver I was following in the Accord, there was a car behind the Van in the right lane traveling on its merry way. I could see it because I had moved to the left later in the sequence of events. I also had a height advantage from being on a bike. I had prior knowledge that probably no one else had. Regardless, the driver of the Accord, without being able to see into that lane decided to just go for it, starting her left turn from a looooong way back, which is probably what saved her. The big old Lincoln, maybe a Mark VI of my mother’s era, slammed on the breaks locking up the front wheels and skidding a couple of feet to the left, and the Accord gunned it to get through without a collision. You could hear parts of the old Lincoln clanking and straining from the sudden exertion. They probably came within a foot of each other. I’d bet there was some damage to their suspension. The two geezers seem pretty stunned but, straightened out and I guess went on their way. I, still with my better visibility, looked past the van to be sure the coast was clear, made my left through the stinky cloud of tire smoke and rode home. The Accord turned up the nearest alley. I don’t know if it was to hide or that was the destination. I would certainly want to hide if I was she. I’m pretty sure she was talking on her phone as I passed. Hmmm…
There’s a lot that can go wrong on a bike and still I love it. The effort and danger, speed and exposure. I’ll have to stay on the smaller streets in hopes of not dying so soon. And smaller streets will make it easier to text while I ride. Still not sure if I’ve found the comedy.
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