My Beloved Washington Racist

For I don't know how may years, American indians have campaigned for the Washington Redskins to change the team name. They say the term "redskin" is an age old insult, racist and demeaning.  I understood this since I used to watch Bonanza every night at 1 am back when I lived in DC 20 plus years ago. (The simple morality plays balanced out the night’s bong hits.) Not once in the many episodes did I hear Hoss Cartwright say "Come here you crazy redskin and let me hug your neck!"  "Redskin" was not a term of endearment. Usually used by the evil rancher's racist son- The bad white man. He'd say, "Who're you gonna believe, me or this filthy redskin?" The context told you all you need to know. Little Joe would never call his Indian friend something like that, and he might punch you if you did.

At the time that Redskin quarterback Doug Williams was on his way to being named Super Bowl MVP, Native American activist tried to raise the profile of the "Redskin" issue by pointing out the significance of the 1st black quarterback to start a Super Bowl. Most fans didn't have time to make the somewhat strained connection and the controversy faded when the dozen or so Indians went home for dinner, while the rest of us got drunk and enjoyed the game. The issue slept but did not die. I'm a big fan of political correctness. It is a mark of an enlightened civilization that they at least make the effort not to indirectly offend many over their feelings for a few. Certainly there are examples of where political correctness has been misused causing people to suffer for relatively minor public errors. Of course, it's rare that anyone goes to jail for abusing your mama's heritage. Most folks walk away if they don’t like what you’re saying. Some people have lost their jobs- some rightfully. That's how the marketplace works.

I understand that stereotypes serve a purpose. They save a lot of time and make it easier to tell jokes, and there's a kernel of truth in most of them. It is however, beneficial to society that people judge each other as individuals instead of relying on stereotypes. And really, most of us don't care what you think of those people anyway. History might lead you to assume that blacks would be a natural ally for the Indians in this dispute. You might think that African American players would be able to sympathize with Native Americans over the use of racial slurs. You would think someone would speak out. Of course these African Americans had six and seven figure paychecks they didn't want to jeopardize by calling "The Man", a racist- even if The Man is a racist, he doesn't like hearing it from you. And honestly, how many of us are willing to risk our newfound wealth and social status, to make a dwindling race of people feel better about their public image?

I doubt that black America, or much of white America would tolerate a basketball team called the “Darkies,” or a baseball team called the “Honkeys.” Yet, we allow this kind of public mockery of American Indians because they are so few, so poor and, their homes far from ours. It is a sad double standard. If we change the name to the Leroys or the Ginnys, would people get the point.

The NFL Regular season is nearly done, which means the end of the season for my home team, the Washington Redskins. I was born in DC and raised a Redskin Fan. My family watched the games every week during football season. We wore the jersey numbers of our favorite players: Kilmer, Jurgeson, Larry Brown, Charley Taylor. Later Theisman, Riggins, Monk, Darryl Green, Doug Williams, Gary Clark, Mark Rypien... (That's it. There weren't any more.) In '88 I moved to LA and soon my 'Skins began the long era of Dan Snyder sucks. The Redskins are the 2nd most valuable team in the NFL according to Forbes Magazine. Number 1 in revenue. Apparently people pay for the image in spite of all the losing the team has done over the last decade. It could cost the Redskins a huge chunk of cash to change the name- unless they make a huge chunk by selling new merchandise to the fans. Sometimes doing the right thing costs money. Sometimes it turns a profit. Ben Cartwright would take that risk.

And my friends from Cleveland- don't think you're off the PC hook. We’ve all seen the Indians and Chief Wahoo. That's old news. As Drew Carey used to say, "They shoulda fought harder." The question that's nagging at me, Cleveland: What's a "Brown"? Huh?... My friend, Hoss and I want to know.

My Black Friend - Acceptable.tv

Here's something I was in a couple of years ago, perhaps my favorite something I was in a couple of years ago. The TV show, Acceptable.tv, was canceled but, the funny lives on.

Bring Your Own Comedy

A friend invited me to watch her perform at the Comedy Store. Generally I avoid the Store for a cumulative variety of reasons: Don’t like the shows, bad (expensive) parking, expensive drinks, ridiculous open mic, and they’ve never had any interest in booking me.

I do however like the “Original” Room as a place to perform. I get to the Comedy Mall every couple of years when a friend is performing in the “Belly” Room. The Belly Room is about a 50 seat room upstairs that usually host “bringer” shows, as we comics call them. A bringer show essentially requires each comic to bring a certain number of paying customers to be allowed to perform or to be booked back. Comics are less required to be funny if they are “bringers”. If a you bring enough people you don’t have to be funny at all. Some clubs don’t even require you to be a comic. So bringer shows can be very hit or miss. Bringers tend to have few working professional comics since real comics don’t have many non-comic friends who haven’t seen them and, comics rarely pay to see other comics, especially comics who can’t get booked in a real show with a real audience. As opposed to a bringer audience who came because the guy from work says he’s a comic and he’s been bugging them to come to this show for the last month. Some of the performers in even a bringer show are very funny people. Most are amusing at best because the merits of their inclusion aren't necessarily comedic. Sometimes a good comic gets to do the show if the bringer requirement is waived. That way the promoter knows the show won’t completely suck.

If a comic is lucky he’ll get up in front of a packed bringer house and rock it. Sometimes one comic brings a large portion of the audience so, the promoter doesn’t put them on stage until the end so that comic’s crowd has to fight the impulse to cut their losses and, go home to their flat screen. Most times the audience is forced to sit through one bad “comic” after another, praying that their friend will be good and make it all worthwhile.

So my friend invites me to see her perform at the Comedy Store, on a Friday night, in the “Main” Room. Suddenly I’m impressed. Possibly because I hadn’t been to the Store in a couple of years and, I hadn’t been to the Main Room in about a decade. It’s a large room that seats around 300. That’s where I saw Sam Kinison, and Richard Pryor (He was sick and not very funny). Where Nicholas Cage asked me where he could find Carrie Snow. (I didn’t know her then, but I do now.) It was a room with a little star power. All of these moments over 20 years ago. Still seemed like a big deal to me that someone who’s been performing for 2 years would have a spot in the Main Room on a Friday night. She must be doing something right. So she put me on the guest list and I went to the Comedy Mall hoping to see some magic. Before the show she introduced me to some of her other friends, Garry Marshal, an actor, a video producer. Things were looking promising. When I get to the box office I tell the guy my name, he finds it on the list and charges me $15 “But I’m on the guest list.” “Right. $15.” I had already invested $15 in parking- might as well stick it out. As we were led to our seats in the quarter filled Main Room, I realized that I had been sucked into a bringer show. On a Friday night at the Comedy Store. The Guest list was about who gets credit for my $15

That’s what the business has become. Comedy clubs have to find a way to put butts in the seats and keep the lights on. It’s not just the Store. The Improv does it too. So why not put some of the pressure on the comics. Not how it used to be but, it’s how things are now. Yuck.