Got Milk

I've been eating my cereal with rice milk. We know it's not really "milk" sucked by machines from tiny rice teats. Actually it's packaged as rice "drink". I've arrived at this destination after more than a decade since a conversation with a vegetarian comic, Gerry Swallow, who I was working with in Dallas. Gerry was trying to convince me that it is unhealthy to drink milk.
"Milk isn't for people. It's for cows! Baby cows. And even they don't drink it after a while." Many people develop a lactose intolerance, which they aren't shy in describing. I've heard of statistical evidence that women who drink milk are more likely to give birth to multiple kids (twins, triplets), because of the hormones and stuff they give to cows to enhance their fertility. I got enough kids so that's more incentive.
Gerry recommended soy milk instead. (The image of soy bean teats makes me giggle as well) 

I took this advice to heart since I would like to be healthier and more energetic. (I'd really like to sleep more, but that's doesn't pay) I began to notice what I put into my body. Keeping a vague burgers to apples ratio in my head. (about 5 to 1) How do I feel after a Fatburger? A malt? An apple? (sleepy, happy, hungry) Am I eating lots of fat? (Fat tastes good!) Sugar? (mmm sugar) Dirt and bugs? (Whadayagonna do?)
I tried cutting down on red meat, sugar, processed foods, in hope of gaining vitality and maybe losing a few pounds around the middle. (I'm as neurotic about my weight as any actress, but I won't give up food.) Just taking little steps. Better food and less of it. I hear that works. But what is "better food". I tend to think that vegetarians have it right, I just wonder if they're happy... Really?

Having decided that soy milk made me heave, I choose low-fat or skim milk as a compromise. Once you're used to skim milk, whole feels kinda heavy. I understand that whole milk is much better if you're making pancakes- which is part of the problem. 
I was talking to a skinny vegan friend, who has been trying to convert me for years, about what she eats. As it turns out, McDonald's French fries. It can't be that bad a way of life if you get to eat French fries. But what do put on your cereal if you don't like soy milk? I've seen people eat cereal with water, but I think that was a poverty related choice. They tried to convince me they liked it, but really, who ya foolin? My vegan friend suggested rice milk. I had seen it in the grocery store so I knew she wasn't making it up, and I certainly prefer rice to soy. Turns out, it taste okay on cereal. However it's awful with cookies.

Tangent: A skinny actress was giving me a ride home from the show we were working on ( I was between cars) when she suddenly had a craving for chocolate so we stopped at a convenience store. She ran in but came back empty handed since they had only milk chocolate and no dark chocolate. What's wrong with milk chocolate? "Milk chocolate is for children." You can tell my life is run by skinny women and rules. So I've acquired a taste for dark chocolate, like I acquired a taste for beer, because I want to look grown up in public. Alas, dark chocolate hasn't gotten me laid. However, beer has!

Ultimately I'd like to eliminate cattle from my life. Not because the cattle have done me harm. Mostly because they are the stupidest looking animals on earth. I've been to those cattle factory places and seen them standing around chewing on something with the big strings of slobber swinging from their mouths. And I've seen their big sloppy milk bags with the giant nipples, and I think "Yuck. People drink that?!" 
School children were asked where they thought milk came from. Many, mostly city kids, answered "from the store" I like that answer. I would like to return to that level of ignorance, but it's too late. I can only now live in denial. In my own world where milk comes from the store and steak from the kitchen. Where rice have teats.