Again. I've had it before. Colon cancer, spring of '98 I call it "the week I had cancer", sometimes "the month I had cancer" In December of '97 I had a stomach ache. In January I got insurance from SAG. The doctor was treating me for an ulcer and other acid related aliments through march, after all I was only 34. It took until late march for the doctors to find out it was cancer. A week and a half later I was in the hospital having surgery and two weeks later I was at the Drew Carey wrap party dancing my ass off and drinking tequila with the woman of my dreams. It was almost too easy. Cost about $800 and I only missed about 3 weeks of work.
It was my first day standing in for Damon Wayans. I'm standing on the set while the crew worked on lights and focused cameras. I felt the pain in my stomach.
This time, I have a stomach ache- Same place. I'm getting fat, just like last time. I feel tired and scared. I don't want to go to the doctor because I'm afraid I'm right and I don't want to miss any work. People would kill to have my job, even if it's kind of a lame job. Like the old joke: Old guy has been working in the circus, shoveling elephant shit for 50 years, someone asks, "Why don't you retire?" "And give up show biz?" I don't want to miss a day of work. I know that the moment I'm not there will be the moment I could have shown off. I'm hoping that the cancer won't get so bad before the shoot ends so I can stay. However, I know that as soon as it's found it should be handled. I don't want to take a day off from work go to the doctor, especially if it turns out to be nothing. And when can I go to Germany if I have cancer. When can I get a passport if I have a job that I don't want to get away from. Maybe, I can do it on a Saturday.
I don't want to be sick. But I don't want to be scared, and I don't want to go to the doctor. And I don't want to miss work. I don't want to miss my trip to Germany.
I just want to act. I don't care if I live or die, but if I'm alive, I want to act. I want to get up every day and act. Without worrying about money or my next job. I just want to act. Is that asking so much. I don't want cancer. I want to act.
