The FDA says to throw away certain jars of Peter Pan Peanut Butter because of possible salmonella contamination. I have 5 jars of Peter Pan. It is the only think I stockpile in such disproportionate amounts. Peanut butter and Jelly is my best recipe. My only recipe if you exclude cereal. I eat PBJs 3 or 6 times a week. I have three full jars and 2 half jars. (1 and a half jars at work) This is potentially devastating.
But wait! It's not ALL Peter Pan. Only jars with the lot number starting with 2111. What are the chances I'll even have one bad jar?- 100 PERCENT!!! ALL 5 FUCKING JARS!!! (deep sigh)
Wait a minute. I've been eating out of 2 of those jars for weeks, so they're safe. Still to throw away 3 jars of peanut butter seems just wrong. Maybe I'll offer them to the homeless. I'm sure many homeless are willing to gamble on intestinal discomfort for a few jars of creamy Peter Pan.
The worst part of this tragedy- I am no longer secure in the knowledge that these things only happen to other people. Other people get mugged, win the lottery, or find a finger in their salad. Other people get evicted from their apartments- No wait I did that. Other people watch Dr. Phil.- No. Me again. Other people fly coach. Other people die! Now I know it could someday be me. Will I ever truly be safe again? Reality has come to my door and now I mourn the loss of my innocence. The terrorist finally have won.
posted 2/16/7 http://blog.myspace.com/mrjohnniewalker
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